Hello me from the past!
This is 18 year old Tracy speaking. I am basically 18 and 6 days old :P and... man, I know you wrote a letter to yourself when you graduate from uni right after high school grad, but I think you may have been a little misinformed and optimistic! Not that there's nothing wrong with that! It's just, who knew that the first month of university would be the hardest thing you've ever gone through? You're going to throw yourself into a totally different environment, and meet totally different people, and mean nothing to anyone at McMaster. Not very nice sounding eh?
I'm not sure to which Tracy I'm specifically writing to, but let me tell you this, you may want to go to Western, you might be thinking about Queens, but SPOILER ALERT, you choose McMaster. And you will constantly wonder if this was the right choice, but let me tell you, it was. You thought about it long and hard haha. Don't need to think again. Mac is your compromise. Your fence to sit on. And yes, it's hard! Why can't you be in the environment you love at Queens? Why can't you be in the perfect biology program at Western? But hey, the view from this fence is amazing! Do you know how many possibilities you have here?
You're going to meet wonderful biologists... people who love biology just like you! It's like having 20 Mr. Jamiesons haha. You didn't think that was possible did you? But you also meet people who don't really give a crap. I feel like they've lost the joy in learning. Kind of sad isn't it? But I know you won't.
I know you feel so alone. All your friends are going to different universities. Maybe you've already spent a few days crying alone at night, never realizing how many tissues you use. But you're going to find friends. And you're going to do things you never thought you'd be able to do! You're going to hold a freaking human brain! You're goin to LOVE kineseology class :). Trust me, those psych tests are rough, and you're going to get a 60% on one of them hahahahaha. Just a heads up :)
But you don't need to worry. You are never alone, from the moment you took your first breath. Heck, from the moment you became a person, you were never alone. You were always on God's mind, do you know that? And Mom and Dad have never EVER EVER stopped loving you. Sometimes they can say things that hurt. But trust me, they never mean to. They always have an eye on you.
Trust yourself! You got through 4 years of high school. Sure it seems daunting, the task at hand. People tell you things like how hard it is. People tell you how high their silly averages are. Who cares? You aren't here to flaunt around. You're here to learn. Besides, you're not a student who happens to be Christian, you're a Christian who happens to be a student. You know that you are going to have so many opportunities here? You will meet so many different great amazing people. And you will meet people who need God, people who are like you, people who are more confident and capable than you, and people who you wonder how they got into university not knowing how to find slope.
But hey, it's only the beginning. I don't really have a right to say all of this haha. I don't even know what's going to happen. But you don't have to. You're going to realize that you CAN do so much more than you thought. And you're going to realize that the pursuit of perfection is futile, and sometimes not worth it.
Just know that it's going to get better. Every single week. Just keep your chin up. Go home often. Forget what people say about staying! Whatever makes us more comfortable right? You said it yourself (on a discussion board for your psych class). Everyone is different! And you will be once you're here. And you'll write a letter to yourself. And feel like you're doing better. That you're growing up. That you can achieve your dreams. You are living it.
Hello me in the future!
This is Tracy after 1 month (approx.) of university! Do you remember me? You better, because it might show you how long you've come. Maybe the other letter that we wrote from gr 12 grad just won't cut it. There was no way that a gr 12 grad could understand what this was like. But it's not like I can do any better haha. But you know what? You made it.
The only reason I can say that confidently now is because you and I both know God carried us through university. God, family, friends, ourselves! I don't know what your hardest class was in university. Think back to it! I wonder if you remember failing some exam. I wonder if you told yourself it was okay. I hope you did! I don't want you to be so hard on us! We're only human you know! Besides, you're doing great! I love us for who we are :) And I hope you do too.
Can you think back to all the good friends you made in uni? Where are they now? Where are they going? Have you made their lives a little better? Cause I know for sure they made our life amazing.
Can you think of the profs that you met? Maybe some were jerks! Maybe some hired you, maybe some you look up to as a role model. Maybe you need to write them a thank you note.
Can you think of our family? How is Tonia? Mocca? Mom and dad? I hope you realize how proud they are of you. No matter what you accomplished (or didn't. ) they always will be.
What's your next step? Are you worried? Did things not go as planned? You know, you always used to (I hope you still do) tell people that you try your best, and you follow your dreams. And that's enough. Do you feel that you should have been perfect? I really hope we've gotten past our perfectionism! it's no way to live (remember? we are going to die at 30 if you keep doing this to us!)
Do you talk to God every day? Do you thank Him for all the blessings in our life? I know I forget to. And i feel really bad for it! But He'll never leave you. Don't forget that.
As you transition once again, what are your fears? Do you think we can do it again? I really hope we can! We've come this far after all! Do you remember how afraid you were of not being able to make friends? Getting lost finding classrooms?? I don't even remember that happening, but yes! It did! We were alone! We were lost! We felt like a nobody!!! Never forget how far we've come! Then you can find those that feel that way. Encourage them. You were given every experience for a reason you know?
It's not all about us :).
There's so many greater things out there.
What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
What's eternal for you? :)
Good luck! Pray always. Remember that you are NEVER alone. EVER.
You will always have me. You will always have God. And every single person He put in our life. :)
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