Hello everyone! Today I went to my 2nd CCF meeting and it was totally awesome :). I got to catch up with Zach Lau and learn about his experience in uni and how God worked through his life. It was intense. And...... I asian failed my Kin quiz! (11/15 aka 73.33%) thankfully you can knock off the worst tests (I think 2?) So I must do better! Aside from that, I should put less pressure on myself.
I went to les Prince (residence) most of the day. After kin, went there to do our psych tests (weekly yay). And It was actually ridiculously hard. I used up all my 20 mins just THINKING about the stupid questions. :(. Scared about what I got since the last one I got 60% :(. RIDONKYDONK!!! :(
Then after, I chilled at LP watching TLC loool. It was actually awesome. Hanging out with Vanessa, Rachel. Then I went to math. Then went back to LP LOL. Listened to snarky health scis talk yay. While watching Say Yes to the Dress :3. I was doing math homework at the same time. Then I napped until Nessa woke me up to grab dinner.
I ate pasta mmmm :) It was actually like so legit lol. We ran over to CCF, and that stuff happened. Prayed with Victoria (from my church, 4 years older) and... sang songs, etc.
Then everyone went to pho and I was like oh no! Who do I walk with back to res in le dark? I went with Sharon Yeung, (my mom's friend's daughter's bff). Lol. As we were walking, (we're volunteering tmr, she's my group leader), she tells me that some ppl werent registered and asked if I got an e-mail. I told her I haven't checked yet. Turns out I didn't get a freaking e-mail and that i CANT volunteer tmr.
This just killed me. It took so much mental effort to accept that I was staying here this weekend. I immediately called my dad who said, just come home okay? :'( and I burst into tears (cause how he said it was just so wonderful and I miss home and I was so upset that I couldn't even TRY to stay a weekend and meet new friends because some stupid 4th year student who was CRAP at their PAYING (yes paying!) job didn't register me! AND THEY CAN'T TAKE EXTRA VOLUNTEERS BECAUSE OF COURSE YOU DONT NEED MORE MAN POWER WHEN IT COMES TO HELPING PEOPLE! anyway, I'm being stupid and silly.
Want to hear the truth though?
I'm upset that you guys can just stay at uni like it's nbd. You guys are independent already, doing your work, getting what needs to be done while I'm only an hour away from Toronto, and a wreck. I go home every weekend, can't even stand the idea of being alone at res, and don't have a life. Edith and Robin can't even GO home, and michelle and john are a plane flight away.
That's just how I feel.
I am incapable of being independent when given the opportunity to be dependent.
Which makes me a child. A 18 year old child.
Also, my mom has turned "un-asian" and has been sending me supportive e-mails. It threw me off and made me want to cry more (I literally cried after reading today's e-mail) It went something like:
Dear Tracy,
When I think about our trip at California, you easily gets mad and impatient.
It is not your usual performance.
Me too. At the time when I had anxiety, I yelled at my boss and easily got mad.
It is a signal that a person has emotion problem inside and would like to burst out the stress.
I am sorry. I don't notice that until you have panic esipode.
Put all your load, stress, anything to God.
Thinking that everything is not important but yourself. God love you and you also have to love yourself.
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