Phew. I just had lunch with Zinnia. I have math tutorial in an hour. Uhm. Iunno. I would've written more yesterday and Sunday, but like I've said before when I'm sad it's just way too hard to blog about it. I'll remind myself to. Cause then by the end of this all, I'll remember what an accomplishment this was. It will be.
Yesterday and Sunday were absolutely horrid. I felt alone, stupid, lost and confused. :(. I cannot believe how sad I actually was. It's ridiculous. I hated MAC. Never want to come back. Seriously, felt like rubbish. I'm really excited to join choir and stuff but really, I'm just trying to know what's due tmr. And I'm just starting to realize that I'm definitely not the only one feeling this way! You know, Just by talking to people, I felt less alone. We're going through the same things, just no one is talking about it. It's probably even worse cause I've been in the gifted bubble like forever. Things are def. not the same anymore :(.
I don't know if I'll have as much fun as I did in high school, but Zin told methat it's okay. I don't have to have fun! I don't even have to like it. And I'm glad I don't. I thought I really did. I guess cause everyone else liked it. And I felt socially out of place. But I'll find my way around.
Yesterday I felt so bad I went over to Victoria's house. An older sister from church. While I was going over I saw lots of ppl and I felt much better walking. I started to think beyond my situation. Like... The weather was beautiful. I have so much to really be thankful for and I can't let this transition stage ruin me. I have so much preparation academically, and I'm already more stressed than those whose teachers skipped two units.
I forced myself to smile like Michelle said and I did feel a bit better. Sigh. It's just weird and stupid how I put so much pressure on myself to have a good time, get good marks.. Etc. it's really not worth it. I also met a girl in my Kin lab today. She is super awesome and super nice :) I like her a lot! :). She knows Gio too! :) yaya. I feel so... Strange. It's like I'm starting to fit in a bit more here. I really hope I dont like... Get sad again. Iunno.
At least Zin related. She felt the same way. Everyone that I like, older than me, has HATED welcome week here lol. I'm glad. It was so not my thing and I can't believe I blamed myself for not having fun. I really want to see MJ before she leaves! I should figure out that stuff. In the meantime... I just gotta relax. Do things slowly. Take breaks. And I gotta nap omgosh I'm exhausted lol.
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